Dec 14, 2013

#Peawatch is Over - Sweet Pea is Watching Over Us Now

I can't believe I'm writing this. Sweet Pea is an angel.

She's always been an angel, of course, but now she really is one. Sweet Pea went to the Rainbow Bridge this morning.

Yesterday I had three cats, and today I have two again. I can hardly even process it. I love that round, sweet girl so much.

Pea asking to be petted. And she was. A lot. 
The one thing that brings me so much comfort and honestly makes me so happy is that I'm so glad I told her she was mine. I'm so glad she knew had someone she belonged to. I told her yesterday that I loved her, that she was mine and that she lived here. I felt silly then telling her, but I did and I kissed her and held her and I was just so happy about all of it.

Her nickname lately has been "Pea Heart" -- like sweetheart, but Pea. It fit her so well. That's pretty much all I called her.

Me and my Pea Heart. Look at the love in those eyes.
I loved coming home and seeing her little head peek out from behind the couch to see who it was. I'd go over to pet her and say hi and, most of the times, I was lucky if I got a little bit of her tail as she took off for between the couch and the coffee table. Then she'd stop, look back and I'd go to her there... and then she'd take off for her fort (under the dining room table). Then I'd walk over there and pet her. I guess it was our game.

When I'd wake up in the mornings, she'd be sitting on the couch in the living room, paws all tucked in like a sweet little meatloaf. Every time I saw that I was just so happy that she had a couch to do that on.

Pea loaf.
Sometimes when I would be sitting on the couch watching TV, she'd hop up there with me, and every single time it absolutely made my day. To go from parking lot kitty to an inside princess -- I'm so happy I could do that for her.

Sweet Pea debating whether to come up on the couch or not.
I can't count how many times I said "I don't want three cats." I want to kick myself for every single one of them. I knew I had three cats and I should have given her the comfort of knowing she was home long ago. I hope she knew it, but I should have told her sooner.

For those of you who have been following, I took Sweet Pea to the vet last week because I just wanted to check on her belly. It seemed hard to me, and I was just thinking it might be worms. Turns out, she likely had a mass on her liver. We did an ultrasound to confirm, and that's almost certainly what she had. We sent a biopsy out to be analyzed, and we were still waiting on that to see if it was malignant or benign. We'll still get the results back next week.

Pea, after deciding to get on the couch.
But Pea Heart was fine. She was not showing any symptoms. She was not sick. I did not take her to the vet for anything like this. And so I thought that, while it wasn't good news and we couldn't really do anything for her, at least we would have some time. And I would make her happy and love her and we'd just flat out have more time.

The ultrasound was Thursday, and she was fine Friday.

This morning I woke up early to leave the house and kick off a transport, and Pea was in her fort. I petted her and said good morning, and she seemed OK, but maybe a little tired. I thought maybe she'd just woken up like me.

Pea liked the sink. Like any cat, really.
Then she came out from under the table and plopped down next to it. I petted her some more and she was purring and meowing like she would, but she was definitely not herself. Just lazy and lethargic, I could tell. Then she got up and pooped some on the floor (which I thought was good - she hasn't been pooping enough).

And then she went under my desk and plopped down again. This time when I went to pet her, I just felt she was very weak and not as responsive as she should be (she'd never let me just pet her like that without taking off after a few seconds), so I picked her up and she just seemed limp in my arms.

And so I freaked out and immediately called her vet, who I luckily have his cell number.

Check out that sexy white bikini!
Meanwhile, I grabbed Pea and put her in her carrier and was ready to head out the door. We were going somewhere, whether it was the ER vet or to his clinic, this girl needed help now.

When I put her in the carrier, she was just a puddle. Head not up, just limp and hardly moving. All of this happened within 10 minutes! I can't believe how fast.

We rushed to the ER vet. I ran three red lights on way and sped like a nutcase down the road, the whole time petting her and begging her to stay with me. I honestly didn't know if we'd make it there.

My Pea Heart.
And when we did, the vet took her back and started work immediately. She said she was very critical, but we talked about getting her stable and then transferring her to our vet. Her temperature was very low, which is an indication of advance stage cancer, and the fluid in her abdomen was most likely what was causing her to be like this, because she couldn't breathe well.

I sat and waited and then she came out and asked me to come back for a minute. And my heart dropped.

She said that the little bit of stress from getting her blood and ready for the x-ray had cause her to deteriorate. She had stopped breathing on her own, so they had immediately hooked her up to a breathing machine and given her medicine to keep her heart beating. The vet asked if I wanted them to keep breathing for her.

And my heart just dropped even more. She was fine yesterday! I took the cutest pictures of her last night! How in the world could this be?!

Round Pea. She was the cutest thing. 
I called her other parking lot mommy, Kelly, and gave her the update, and then the vet came in and told me her heart had stopped now also. She was essentially gone.

I went to her before they unhooked her from the machines and called her Pea Heart and rubbed her head and told her I loved her. I always used to say to her, "Oh hai, Pea" in this silly voice, and so I said to her then, "Oh bye, Pea" and then they turned everything off.

Sweet Pea the Ear-Tipped Princess
It's not fair. She was just starting to live the good life. She was the happiest kitty, purring all the time so you could hear her across any room. She meowed every time she saw me for the first time in the day or when I got home.

And she had such a good bodyguard and constant observer in Moo with his never-ending #peawatch. Maybe he knew something we didn't. I want to hug him for that, and I will.

So now Moo's #peawatch had ended, and Pea is watching over all of us instead.

This was last night. Moo's final #peawatch.


I truly hate to ask, but Pea ran up quite a vet bill in the past week. I spend so much money on rescue kitties all the time, but I simply don't have this. I know she was my responsibility (I am her mom!), but I know everyone loved her. Even just a few dollars would help.

Losing her is already too much to deal with. I wish vet bills didn't exist. I took pictures of all her bills and put them on the fundraiser page if you want to see what we did for her. I understand it's the holidays, so pockets are tight, so if you can't give, please share Pea's story. Everyone should see how sweet Pea was.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing Sweet Pea with me and helping convince me that she was truly home with me all along.

UPDATE 5:15 p.m.: Oh my goodness. First, thank you all for the kind words. It helps. I've been a ball of tears off and on all day. Last night I was crying because of all the amazing things we've done together - Santa Paws Drive and then I counted the cats we've rescued/transported this year... 201 lives saved in 2013! And I broke down from the awesomeness of it all. And now today, this outpouring of help and love. Pea's ER and ultrasound bills are already covered, in just a few hours! Thank you. Thank you, everyone. I think Pea was all of ours a little bit. If there's extra, it will go to Pea's private cremation and little ceramic Pea paw prints for myself and her other two parking lot mommies. I don't know what we'll do with her ashes yet. Usually I like to take them back to the parking lot, but she wasn't really a parking lot kitty anymore. :)



71 comments:

  1. Dorian, my heart just aches for you. Pea was so blessed to have the best cat mom in the world. My kitties extend their paws to wipe your tears.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Dorian, Moo & Pimp. Sending you my deepest condolences. It's so hard to grasp why things happen the way they do. Sweet Pea knew she was loved. Don't worry about the timing of when you told her. She already knew the whole time. And I have no doubt Moo knew something. Praying for comfort & sweet memories to give you that comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So very sorry, but thank you for loving her so much. X

    ReplyDelete
  4. My heart is broken for you! Take comfort in knowing Sweet Pea knew she was loved and you were her mom. Be kind to yourself and know you have a heart of gold! May you find comfort in all the sweet memories you shared! Hugs and purrs your way!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry Dorian. Sweet Pea knew she had a home and knew she was loved!

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are so very sorry to hear

    ReplyDelete
  7. Nothing I can say can make this any better. I hope that knowing I care and feel with you helps some. I am so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dorian, she knew she had a home, despite all your protestations. The prospective home didn't work out and none other showed up because she wanted to be with you for her last time. She was always your girl. It's such a shock when they let go this way but she was making the most of every single moment she was with you, and she knew you'd take care of her at the end, and not let her suffer in any way.


    I'm so sorry you lost her so soon, and for the pain of her unexpected loss. She is a happy kitty remembering all the love you gave her over the years, and she will never stop loving you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sweet Pea had to leave this morning. She had a very important job to do. Sweet Pea is riding shot gun over this weekend's transport. She knows how crazy the roads are during this time of year. She is making sure the kitties will get a chance at a forever home just like she did with you. She will be our official co-pilot when we transport. She will always be with us.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I cannot shake the thought of your sadness today Dorian. There just are not the words. Hugs and love from all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dorian - I'm so sorry about Sweet Pea. I know how hard it is to lose a pet kitty. Sending you some big hugs. Hang in there.
    Ana

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dorian,


    I am so, so sorry about Sweet Pea; I've lost two kitties since March and my heart goes out to you. Pea knows that you love her and did your best to give her a loving home. She didn't leave this world by herself in the parking lot --she had a home with you, Pimp and Moo. You all are definitely in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Awesome point Shirley!!!!! PEA is on this transport as its guardian angel! <3!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so, so very sorry to hear about Pea. We lost one of our boys in a similar way this time last year, and it feels devastating. But please know that Sweet Pea knew that she had a very loving home and a wonderful mom. I don't know you personally but I follow your website and I just know in my heart that Sweet Pea would feel that way. ( I hope that's not creepy, I didn't mean it that way!) My thoughts are going to you and your other kitties today.

    ReplyDelete
  15. A big hug to you Dorian and pets to the lads. Yes it hurts, but know Pea went feeling love.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Miss Dorian, we are so sorry. But we're so glad Pea had you and knew she was loved until the very end.


    RIP, Pea...so many will miss you...but not as much as your mom.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I'm so sorry that you lost your baby. Know one thing though.... cats are far smarter than we are. She knew all along she belonged to you. She knew she was in your heart. She was just waiting around here to make sure you knew as well. If she hadn't known how much you loved her you never would have gotten her from the parking lot to the princess stage. You could see the love in her eyes in the photos. She loved you and knew you loved her. May you find peace in your heart honey!
    RIP Sweet Pea.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh Dorian, I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved Pea, and to lose her so suddenly - I have no words. My heart goes out to you. What a devastating loss. Please know that you're in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am so very sorry what has happened to your beautiful and loving companion Sweat Pea. She was so blessed to have a Mom like you and you were also blessed to have her in your life. I am a cat lover and I have had many cats in my life, and still do, so I know how you feel right now. Actually I had a good cry after I had read your story about Sweat Pea. Something like that happened to us with a cat named Tiger, who we had from a 2 month old kitten, He was a year and 8 months old, when one day he started breathing very hard and acting very strange. We took him right away to our Vet, she said he had worms, but it turned out he had congestive heart failure and died the next night. It was very sad for all of us. I love seeing all the cute pictures of kittens and cats that you post everyday! My thoughts and prays are with you during this sad time. I believe when we pass away we will see our beloved pets again.
    Below is my 2 inside cats Onyx and Missy.
    I also rescued 4 kittens who are full grown cats from a feral cat that were born under my deck.

    ReplyDelete
  20. R.I.P. sweet pea. ms dorian, i`m very sorry to read of your loss. may God comfort you in this time of grief

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm heart broken for you Dorian and I know Sweet Pea died knowing she was loved and had a Mommy xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  22. Typing between tears. ..I'm so sorry for you guys Dorian. My beagle Sophie had almost the exact same thing happen last summer. I'm struggling to pay her bill too had to apply for a Care Credit card & have $900. more to pay! !!The whole thing just sucks but S.P. knows she was adored! !XOXO to you&2 cats!

    ReplyDelete
  23. 'This is a beautiful story about a cat that was homeless and had a sweet and loving home.

    ReplyDelete
  24. My heart is in my throat as I read this. I was so sure everything would be all right with your little Pea. I lost two sweet kitties in one year back in 2005, and the second one went fast just like Pea. It doesn't get any easier, but I also truly believe we will all be reunited one day. God bless you and your babies. You do so much good for them all.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am crying for you, with you Dorian, I can't express enough how heartbroken I am for you. May God in heaven love Sweet Pea as much as you loved her. You were her angel and now she'll watch over y'all. My deepest condolences.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Spookygirl InsandiegoDecember 14, 2013 at 4:12 PM

    I am so sorry to hear Pea had to go...I'm guessing she'll be continuing her journey to warm other hearts wherever she's needed. You are so wonderful for taking such good care of her. Any kitty would be blessed to be in your loving heart. <3

    ReplyDelete
  27. So very, very sad! A third little cat at your home for such a short--but wonderful!--time. But you and the boyz and the Pea came together at just the right moment. Pea needed to know she had a safe loving cozy home with a loving indoor family who would care for her always--and she was fortunate to have that with you. God does that. Things that seem to be by chance are somehow orchestrated way out there in the universe in the most perfect way. So now she is an angel. And she is your angel, Dorian. Another guardian angel for you in the soft, sweet form of a little cat you cared for so dearly.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh, I am so sad to hear this news. Sweet Pea was an adorable kitten and was lucky to have you take care of her. She knew you loved her!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. d'Artagnan RumblepurrDecember 14, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    Oh my friend. I am so sorry for your loss. You can see she knew how loved she was. Fly free sweet girl.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am SO sorry! I loved little Pea just from reading about her here. I know you are in shock and not even processing this. My heart aches for you. Goodbye little Pea, you were so well loved! Thank you for giving your reluctant Mom so much joy in such a short time.

    ReplyDelete
  31. With our furbabies it isn't the words that matter so much but the actions. She knew she was home even when you didn't. So don't beat yourself up for saying you didn't want three cats, for not telling her sooner she was home. She knew you wanted her and that you are her mommy and that she was home. No question in her mind. No doubt of your love. You have her the best life. The best of her life was with you. Even though it was all too short, duration doesn't matter. Just that it happened is all that matters. Love happened. Home happened. All she ever dreamed of happened.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I am so sorry you didn't have more time with Pea. I am sure Pea knew she was home and that you belonged to her before you even knew it. ((Hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. She is happy now and you will see her again.

    ReplyDelete
  34. So very sorry sweet pea is gone. Pea knew you loved and cared for her, long before you took her in. She chose you and she made an excellent choice. Hugs. It is so hard when we lose them. Lost my 19 year old fluffy boy Thurston in June. I still tear up, but feel his love around me. Pea loved you.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I am so, so sorry to hear that... I loved reading about sweet little Pea and I was so happy when you finally broke and admitted out loud what we have all known for a long time now, that she was yours :) But please don't beat yourself over not telling *her* that she was yours. They don't need words, they talk and listen with their hearts. And you both knew in your hearts that you belonged together. In the end, words are just words, and it's the love that she felt from you that made her know that your home was hers. That you were hers and she was yours. She knew that all along. And she was a happy kitty. It's still heartbreaking, but at least take comfort in that she crossed over loved and cared for and spoiled rotten. And very much *yours*! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  36. She always knew you were her person. I am so glad she was loved, and happy, with you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh Dorian - my heart breaks for you. Please don't beat yourself up....you do so much and she was loved. She was home and she knew it - long before you told her. I wish you had more time with her, but I am also glad her last days were spent inside with you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh Dorian I am soooo sorry to hear about Pea. She was very much loved and she knew it. Rest in Peace Sweet Pea

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dorian tears are falling for your PeaHeart. Tuxies will always hold a special place in my heart because of Abby. I am so so SO sorry. Just know that Pea knows she was loved and wanted and cared for. The amount of time we share is of no consequence it's what we shared and felt. You can rest knowing Pea felt love and wanted and you did all you could earthly do, it was Peas time to be an Angel, and I'm sure my Abby help welcome her to her new beautiful home where she is young, healthy and running free.
    ((Hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  40. Dorian, I am so sorry your Sweet Pea is no longer with you, Moo and Pimp. I was about to comment on Sweet Pea's health when I saw this. My heart sank. Just know that she did have a home the minute you let her into your home and I am sure she knew that because we all saw how happy she was and how comfortable and loved she was in your home. You gave her the best moments in her life she indeed deserved.

    You were her mommy. You are such a kind person. You are in my heart and in my thoughts.

    Sweet Pea was very much loved.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My heart is broken for you........don't worry about when you "told" her.......she knew all along you loved her, that you were her mommy and that was her home. It seems unreal that this happened so suddenly.......prayers and love to you. And perhaps, as you say, Moo "knew" something that you didn't. God bless you.....you are a wonderful person......and Sweet Pea will always be with you......in your heart!! <3

    ReplyDelete
  42. Beautiful babies, Susan. Thank you. <3

    ReplyDelete
  43. I'm so sorry to hear about little Sweet Pea. My heart breaks for you. I miss my blackie Sabrina and all the others before her. You gave her a great life.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Keep her ashes or share with other Moms don't let them go yet

    ReplyDelete
  45. I am so sorry to hear about Sweet Pea's passing. My deepest condolences. I am so glad you were with her and she knew she was loved . Hugsss

    ReplyDelete
  46. We are so sorry to hear that Pea had to run to the Bridge, Dorian. Thank you for loving her so much, and so well. We send purrs, prayers and all good thoughts.


    Hugs,


    Kevin, Tracey, Moosey, Gracie and Zoe

    ReplyDelete
  47. We are all very sorry about Sweet Pea. We send goat hugs

    ReplyDelete
  48. I am so sorry for your lose i have follow pea when he was the parking lot cat. pea know how much you loved him.and you are so right he will watch over you and moo .I will hold you in our prays.

    ReplyDelete
  49. she was always yours. she knew even when you didn't. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  50. Your heart felt words were beautiful…Pea always knew that you loved her and that she was yours. We will all miss Pea and shed some tears for her, but in our hearts we will celebrate her & hold her close. You did good by her :-)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Our hearts are so sad and heavy knowing that Pea has gone to the RB. We're sending soft, healing purrs and prayers to you. She was so lucky to have you.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Grrreta: Ambrose, Clarence,...December 14, 2013 at 8:41 PM

    We're so very sorry to hear the sad news about Pea. Thank you and the other parking lot mommies for taking such good care of her, making such a wonderful difference in her life, and sharing her with us all. She knew she was loved.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Oh Dorian, this whole story just breaks my heart.
    Sweet pea was loved unconditionally and had a safe home. In the end, isn't that what we all want?
    Bless you for having such a loving heart to open your home to her, and giving her a good life, however brief.
    Sending love and hugs, and tons of PURRS from the Purries of Purrchance To Dream.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oh, Dorian, I'm soooo sorry! But you gave Sweet Pea what she wanted....and so deserved....a HOME. And then, she could let go...finally.



    Thank you for what you did for her and all the other kitties. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I've been there for those kitties who leave us so suddenly--it's horrible. Know that I am sending you love and prayers. It's a very difficult time, I know.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I am so sorry. I sobbed my eyes out. I cried and cried and I told myself..."YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS KITTY!" but, we DID KNOW HER. She had a good life.

    remember she had no idea you considered her a temporary border. All she knew was that she was loved and warm and cofmortable.She had a happy last part of her life. What cat could ask for more.\? when she was young and healthy, she could have the freedom of outdoors and when she was old and sick, she had love and comfort, she had a couch and a rug and and a warm house and most of all, she had somebody who cared about her and loved her. Now we know why she was being watched over. the other kitties knew and stayed by her. She had a good life. thank you for taking her in and making the last part of her life the best part. Betsy coss

    ReplyDelete
  56. We're so sorry to hear about Sweet Pea. We're sending comforting purrs for you.

    ReplyDelete
  57. I too sobbed when I read your post.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Oh Dorian, I just got home and read this. I am so glad Pea got to spend time with you even if it was not long. I know that Pea ALWAYS knew you were her Mom. She felt your love. Hugs and love to you and Pimp and Moo.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Keep her ashes with you....you are right, she wasn't a parking lot kitty anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Oh, Dorian... I am so sorry! Sending love and purrs your way.

    Sally, Luna, Echo, & Kaze

    ReplyDelete
  61. I was in tears while reading this! I have 2 kitties myself (also black and kind of similar looking to your sweet little pea heart!), I could not stand losing them, so I cannot even imagine what you're going through! Maybe it helps you to know, that even we didn't know this sweet little face in person, she touched our lives with her story you kindly shared with all of us! I'm certain she KNEW that she was yours and LOVED! <3 Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Dear Dorian,
    I am so sorry to hear about your dear little Sweet Pea. I have been in a similar situation and know that your heart is breaking. I do believe she knew and still knows that you love her so very much and that you ARE her mommy and she appreciates the soft place and the warm home and the yummy food and the hugs and kisses and love you gave her when she came in from the parking lot. I put all my angel animals (people, too) in my heart and when I rub it I can feel their love. I still communicate with my childhood dog and feel her love even though she has been an angel for 37 years. Sweet Pea is in your heart now and you are in hers. Blessings to you both. You're such a kind person to do so much for all the kitties of the world.
    With love, Elisabeth

    ReplyDelete
  63. Dorian: I just read this post for the second time and I started crying again. Something about Sweet Pea just really touched me and I am broken up over her passing. I am glad to see so many generous and loving people who have commented or contributed to the Pea fund. As others have said before me, I believe that you should keep Pea's ashes. She was really your kitty even before she started living in your house. All my prayers to you and Pea and also Pimp and Moo.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Thanks they are our babies! Our dog Peekaboo just passed away on Nov. 20, in her sleep she was 15 years old and she was a Shitzu. She was my hubby's baby. We still can't believe she is gone. It takes time to get over a loss of a beloved pet. Give yourself time, and do not feel bad to talk or write about your feelings it helps us heal our pain of the loss of a loved one even if it is a pet. Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  65. I'm sorry to hear about Pea. You gave her the best home, and I'm sure she was so grateful for all the love and concern. She'll be watching over you guys from now on...... Purring loudly.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I am so very sorry for the loss of Sweet Pea. This is heartbreaking! Austin and send mega purrs and hugs to you xx

    ReplyDelete
  67. Just got the news. I am heartbroken for you and will keep you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Sorry sorry for your loss! Sweet Pea RIP and run free with all the other kitties at Rainbow bridge

    ReplyDelete
  69. I am so sorry to read that you lost your sweet Pea.

    She was lucky to have found you (and you her) and to have known a loving cat mom and a good home.

    ReplyDelete

You know what would be really cute? If you left a comment... :)

More cute posts